Also, take the time to visit

Monday, July 31, 2006


Perhaps this is part of the same story...

Sunday, July 30, 2006


What do you think this is all about then?

Saturday, July 29, 2006


I don't normally do comic book stuff, but I like to join the character threads at

Look! Colour!!!!

Well here's something you don't see very often from me.

Guru John says...

Let's Face It

Thursday, July 27, 2006

A Curious Discovery


Barklays Bank has a brilliant policy whereby you can't have your Barclays ATM card delivered to your local Barklays branch for you to pick up.
Is this completely insane?
I'm sure it's not just me being anal about things.
Also - even more annoying, my MP3 player seems to have gone belly up, which is really a very, very bad thing.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Beaurocracy - Updated

Fuck oath.
I am learning one thing about living in London.
Terry Gilliams film Brazil, should have been called England.
What a fucking palarva!
Every time I need to get something official done, it takes about 63 phone calls and 19 attempts to get it done.
What a fucking disaster.
I spent 3 hours on the phone in the last 12 hours simply trying to transfer money from Australia to the UK.
I am sitting at home awaiting my ATM card to turn up, because they have to hand it right to me (Barklays - listen - there's no money in the account!!! Who does it matter who you hand it to???)
But the fact that I have a funny street address means that they have to call me before they arrive and the lazy cunts wont do that.
Which means I have to call back and get them to send it again...
What a pain in the fucking arse.
However, I feel very clever after drawing this picture.

Well I hate to think of myself as the cleverest man in the world but I predicted every single thing that would happen and it did.
Here is the main problem with where I am living.
I am sure it happens all over London so it don't imagine it's that unusual.
My street address is actually a business.
The block of flats is in an alleyway out the back.
Anyone coming to officially deliver something will not find a resident at the place we are required to give as our address.
So if something is being delivered that has to be handed to an actual person (such as my ATM card that has to be given to me) the driver needs to call and say "Oi, I'm here".
Lo and behold - despite 3 reassurances that I'd get a phone call from the driver I receieved none, and spent another day waiting all day long for a package that didn't arrive.
I called my bank to have it delivered there directly for me to pick up, but guess what!???
They can't just do that for me.
What the fuck is that about???!!!!!
I then did something that I used to do a lot, but don't much anymore.
I lost my temper and ranted and raged.
I called the useless little tick from the delivery company and emptied a string of Australian abuse down the line.
He was very polite about it.
Then I bellowed filthy words out of the window for a few minutes.
Then I took myself to our dangerously close local and drank 3 scotches.
This is the dangerously close local.
And Australians - the jokes we make about the warm beer is true.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Starless Sky

And The Winner Is!!!!

Here is the answer.
These four lovelies all have the same grandfather: Charlie Chaplin.

22 responses and no-one paid a scrap of attention to my poem about the girl with the bird on her head...(which is really fucking good you pack of arseholes).

Monday, July 24, 2006

Extra Stimulus

Dont forget to enter my exciting and rewarding competition below...

Bird Brain

Dont forget to enter my exciting and rewarding competition below...


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Being Drunk

Sore Head

Today my head is a little tender.
I'm not sure exactly why, but I think it's got something to do with these thoroughly unattractive and wholely disreputable hooligans.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Naked Girl on an Ostrich and Another Thing

Coming Soon From Warner Brothers

And really, who wouldn't want to see this pair shagging their way across timespace?

Friday, July 21, 2006

Titty Bitty

A Thanks

I have been very lucky since I arrived in the UK that I have met a collection of really, really great people who have seem genuinely pleased to have met me.
This is a big thanks to everyone who has been so friendly and kind.
Perhaps I may get to meet some of you while we're sober, and I may have to revise this sentiment when I realise you are all a pack of bastards.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Hot, Hot, Hot

It is very easy to imagine that there are a lot of my countrymen in London telling the local population that it's not that hot.
Take it from me - they are liars.
Don't believe a word they say.
Tell them I said so.
Although it certainly does get hotter in Australia, this is pretty fucking hot.
This is Christmas weather for us.


Tuesday, July 18, 2006


Is it two people with nothing to lose?

Is it the person who has the thing you never knew you wanted?

Is it the person with the missing piece of the puzzle?

Is it the person to share what you already have?

Stupid Joke

Monday, July 17, 2006

Monkey Love

The main difference with human beings is of course that while the male is still prepared to bare his arse, the woman is more interested in his face.

One Night Stand

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Bits and Pieces

There was a terrific crazy on the bus today.
He was peeling garlic and eating it like it was boiled sweets and kept talking to imaginary people.
The bus was strewn with his garlic peelings.
He appeared to be Asian but had an Irish accent.
A lad walked past him wearing camoflauge pants and the crazy said "You've never been in the fucking army, cunt! The Salvation Army maybe...." and went back to his bag of garlic.

John Goodman in the very silly film The Big Lebowski


Saturday, July 15, 2006

Ella The Dog

I am pleased to report that my dog appears to be in good health.

Also - many of the guys visiting this blog will be aware of comic art legend Mike Mignola, an influential fellow if ever there was one.
He is responsible for the Hellboy comics.
One of his ideas The Amazing Screw On Head has been developed into an animated series, the pilot of which can be seen here.
It's the usual mix of crime and the supernatural that Mike Mignola is fond of.
It's utterly silly stuff and terrifically entertaining.
This is the villian of the piece, Emperor Zombie.


This is the first summer I've spent in the UK.
As yet, the picture above represents pretty much my entire thoughts on the subject.

This is the silly cow who was voted off Big Brother last night.

Ear Bot

Whenever I draw something cute and straighforward, I feel compelled to do something silly at the end.
Hence the ears.

Friday, July 14, 2006

A Complete Stickhead

Today was another wonderful day of good company and too much alcohol.
A lovely lady from Argentina made a lovely lunch that was enjoyed in delightful surroundings on a sunny day.
Then after all this perfection, I got on the train.
What is is they are cooking in the underground that makes the place smell like shit?
Is it shit?

A Gathering

Last night I was lucky enough to meet a handful of good folks that I had either heard of, corresponded with, angered from a distance or otherwise knew of but had never met.
A big thank you to a delightfully friendly crowd, in particular Boris who invited me and inflicted me upon good people who deserved better.
The drawing above doesn't really reflect the evening - as far as I could tell nobody touched anyone elses pink floppy bits (although I did consider it several times and made a single attempt that went unnoticed).

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Television and other stuff

I caught a few moments of British Big Brother today and the mummified, swollen old hag above made a comment without any trace of irony whatsoever.

I am feeling rather jollier today.
I actually slept from 11:30 to about 1:45, then went back to sleep again which is all nice and new for me.
I slept through to 7:30.
What a relief.
Today I am awaiting the delivery of a printer I have purchased online.
It means I can start sending out my stuff and replenish some of my depleted funds.
Also - I have a new mobile number, if I don't happen to see anyone first, feel free to email me and I'll send it along.
I momentarily considered posting it here but I thought the avalanche of single women desperate for contact with me might be overwhelming...

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

States of Mind

Yes I'm using cheap arse plugins and I don't care who knows it.

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