Elliot Cowan's Sandwichbag

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Nice!

I am pleased to say that my short film, Boxhead & Roundhead - Safari, will be screening (out of competition) at the Milano International Film Festival.
For those folks, who like me won't be able to make it to Italy, you can see it here.
Big thanks again to Matt Saxton who provided music for the film.

Sea and Spaniard

I am pleased to say that for the first time in over a year I visited the sea.
This is a big deal to any coastal Australian.
It was a pleasure to feel the waves wash over my feet (that's me with the red nails).

A few days later I was delighted to share a Moroccan meal with Joan Cabot.
Those who know him can tell that he appears to have lost about 15 kilos since we saw him last.
Shame you can't say the same for me...

Food

I love watching cooking shows.
I like food and cooking and I like watching people cook.
Here in the US I can watch people cook all day long on The Food Network.
The network has its set of chefs.
I will name them here:
Rachel Ray (above):
Rachel Ray begins her show by saying "Hi, I'm Rachel Ray and I make thirty minute meals" like that's the only thing she ever does.
She is hugely popular because she is very cute and VERY peppy.
She likes to punctuate every word she says with some kind of enthusiastic hand gesture or a nod.
She's also a grinning idiot with a nervous laugh that makes me want to smack her.
Her nervous laughter is short and sharp "Hah hah".

Inna Garten:
Inna is a softly spoken middle aged woman who shows you how to make food for gay man.

Sandra Lee:
Sandra Lee has a show with the idiotic name, Semi Home Made.
This means that she uses some fresh ingredients and then substitutes the rest with canned or premixed stuff.
So she'll make a salad and then unload a tin of dogfood all over it.
Sandra looks like the mother of several of my childhood friends in Australia.
They would cook things called rissoles and give their kids vegemite and cheese sandwiches for lunch.
Like Oscar the Grouch was catering.
My favourite is when Sandra Lee makes "ethnic" food, as she calls it.
She'll make curry with cornflakes and add her own special touch - doritos sprinkled over the top and some boiled eggs.
At the end of each show Sandra makes a fancy cocktail to make her feel like a big city girl and then shows us her "table scape".
Most people like to sit at the dinner table and eat but Sandra likes to distract from her awful food by covering the table in shit.

Emmeril Lugasi:
Emmeril is a strange one.
He's been around for years and is a darling of the Food Network set.
To me he seems like a NYC cab driver they dragged in off the street and told him that he had to pretend to cook or he wouldn't get his prize.
He's so important that he has a live show with an audience and a band.
The audience shrieks with laughter every time he does something dopey and bursts into applause when he uses certain ingredients.
"So, I'm gonna put some gingah innis pan here" - and the audience claps and whoops.
It's very fucking weird.
They also like to applaud when he uses garlic, like it's a new and clever idea.

Paula Deen:
Although I'd never cook a single thing she makes, I have a soft spot for Paula.
She's kind of the hillbilly version of the Two Fat Ladies, if anyone knows of them.
She cooks nothing without smothering it in butter and fat.
The woman deep fries green salad.
She's very warm and sincere about her quest to raise cholesterol levels simply by turning her show on and watching calmly for 6 or 7 minutes.
She makes all those whacky southern things that nobody in the rest of world knows of beyond movies and TV and would certainly never eat.