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Sunday, August 06, 2006

A Good Day

Well I had a good day today and did a few touristy things.
I headed out to London Bridge and walked up the Thames to the Tate Modern.
Before I mention that I had a lovely time at the Tate, I'd like to write a brief letter to this amazing city.
Dear London,
You are very old and very exciting.
The centre of so many things in the world.
So please tell me why you have never heard of soap and scrubbing brushes?
Why is the walk along the Thames like a trip down a back alley?
Why is such a popular destination allowed to be so revolting (and why is there Starbucks and other shitty eateries allowed there too?...I'll whine about that another time...).
There were at least 5 homeless guys begging for money down there - here's a thing - pay them to clean up - they'd be busy and you'd have to pay them for long hours so they'd have plenty of cash to feed themselves and London wouldn't look so dreadful.
The Tate has plenty of great stuff up at the moment.
There's a Kandinsky exhibition there at the moment, but after I'd taken in Picasso, Miro, Monet and all their friends I didn't feel inclinded to pay to see Mr Kandy.
After I spent an hour or so examining these terrific images, it occured to me to do something lofty and bold to show my appreciation.
So I give you these highbrow moments.

Pollack has a shit.

Miro has a pick.

Picasso has a prick.

Most of you are probably familiar with a cartoon from the 50s (probably from The New Yorker) of a man at an exhibition of modern art.
The man is admiring the janitors cart, or a waste paper basket or something or other mundane thing in a room full of abstract sculpture.
I had a moment very much like that when I stood back to admire a rack of chairs.

On the way back I stopped in a park and had a lovely chat with some drunken old arsehole.
We talked congenially about so many things and when I said goodbye, he turned on me and with a major shift in mood said, "I hope I never see your fucking ugly face ever again".
I said "Same here".


Oscar Grillo said...

B*ST*RD!!...You told me never to take you to cultural spaces!!!...And I restrained myself from sugesting to visit museums or concert halls!

Elliot said...

I did nothing of the sort.
I told you never to take me to any stinking castles or clocks or towers or shit like that.
I made it perfectly clear that fancy art hanging on walls was something I was keen on.
I'm quite keen to go to any museums and quite keen to get back to the Tate - besides which you were busy today I recall so shut your mouth.
We'll go another time now that it's cooled off a bit (and warmed up again...)

J.a.G. said...

Did you wear an Australia shirt and stop to take a picture every few steps? You should have.

One day to the Modern for me. I only made it to the Tate Britain and St. Ives.

Pag said...



pandave said...

what a lovely booger!

ah the beauty of nature... and highbrow art.

Anonymous said...

The end of your day tops it off, too funny.

In ny city homelessness is higher this year than previous

I can't remember the last time I visited a museum, I must confess, I hate going .

Bentos said...

5 years at Art College left me unable to take Art or galleries that seriously I'm afraid.

Elliot said...

That is very dissapointing to hear.
I was at art school for 4 years and it had the opposite effect on me.

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