1) See that roll of white paper next to the toilet? Try wiping your bum with it after you take a shit.
Stop wiping when there's no brown on the paper. No more bleeding rash!
2) Hungry? Put food in your mouth and chew it. Then swallow. Yum!
3) Need to get someplace? Try walking or driving or taking public transport. You'll get there eventually.
4) Tired? Yawning? Close your eyes for a while and see what happens. Crazy!
5) Full bladder? Make wee-wees! Do it wherever you like, just don't let anyone see your willy!
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